Archive for the Psychology Category

Get rid of Negative Beliefs, Being happier!

Posted in Psychology with tags , on September 26, 2010 by rizkymygift

Ever feel in doubt with yourself? Well, it means that negative beliefs are overwhelming your mind. Actually, that’s just usual but it does really affect your health and in some cases it evokes depressionanxiety, and even anger.

The negative talk within yourself can be such tool that make you feel worthless. So, if the next time you become aware of that negative talk overwhelming in your head, try these following steps below from Michelle Gielan :

1) Write down the negative thought. Listen to your inner dialogue and take note of what it is saying. It could be a simple one-liner. Some examples are: “I am never going to be in good shape;” “I am so bad at relationships and no one wants to date me;” and “I will never get a new job.”

2) Write down evidence to prove this thought is true. Let’s take the first negative thought from above: “I am never going to be in good shape.” Evidence could include: I am trying to get in shape but my workouts don’t seem to get any easier. I still find it hard to run a mile on the treadmill. I am sore after lifting weights.

3) Write down the ramifications if this thought is true. If the statement “I am never going to be in good shape” is true, that means I am always going to be out of breath when I get on the treadmill. Climbing stairs at the office will continue to be exhausting for the rest of my life. I can never improve my level of physical fitness no matter how hard I workout at the gym. I am such a loser because I just can’t seem to stick to my workout plan or even show up at the gym twice a week.

4) Argue with yourself. Dispute the thought. Write down a list of reasons why this is not true. For instance, other people who go to the gym regularly do get in better shape. I was once in better shape when I exercised three times a week. Just by going to the gym once a week, I can already feel a difference climbing the stairs at work, even though I still get tired. That means I am making some progress and improving my level of fitness.

5) Ask yourself if you want to believe that thought anymore. What value does it hold in your life? What do you get out of believing that thought? What could you achieve in life if you didn’t believe that thought? “I am never going to be in good shape” does not help motivate anyone to workout. The thought provides no positive value to your life. Choosing not to believe it opens up the possibility that you could actually get in shape.

After all, arguing with ourselves can be a great tool to help us change the way we see the world but doing it everytime will make you devastated. Keep remember,  once we knock down these negative, limiting thoughts, we get out of our own way and start seeing that achieving anything really is possible.

Have a nice try!

Being true to yourself, Being happier!

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Don’t Be Afraid of Love

Posted in Psychology with tags , , , , on July 23, 2010 by rizkymygift

Love, yes that feeling is heavenly good and yet it is purely inevitable. We often come across people who’s adorable but deep inside we realize that it might not be true — not even such true love. We are overwhelmed with such thoughts, ‘he might not feel it’ or ‘ya, it almost there..there must be love inside’ or even ‘ this perhaps such an unrequited love.‘ Actually, those fears – pros and cons-  inside your brain do really more than just restrain you from your happiness but moreover they prevent you from falling in love. Those fears are likely to be such masquerade as lovelessness.

Srini Pillay, M.D. an Assistant Clinical Professor at Harvard Medical School,  said that at least there are 7 fears which might interfere you from your soon-to be true love but if you know how to cope with those things you can find yourself totally happy in love.

1. Fear of  Disapproval: This fear of disapproval can register as lovelessness. For example you feel ‘something’  with someone which is invalid. You keep insisting that it’s just ‘common’ feeling but you can hardly say that you don’t fall in love. Even if you explicitly feel as though you are “just not attracted” research shows that these kinds of fears are probably much more powerful in the unconscious. So you may deny the attraction because unconsciously you are fearful of being ostracized.   But fear of disapproval an also be less obvious than this.  There are couples where the thin partner is ashamed of loving the slightly overweight partner, or situations where people from different backgrounds would be shunned by society if they fell in love and lived together.  The main point here, is that these fears are largely unconscious and when there is lovelessness but a suspicion of love, it is wise to pause and ponder.

2. Fear of Being Consumed:  When one partner is overtly loving and leads with this, the other partner often feels afraid of being consumed.  Fear of emotional cannibalism often makes the “loveless” partner want to flee rather than take the love, because “taking” the love feels like drowning in it.

3. Fear of Being Trapped:  Often another person’s love can feel like a cage, especially when the “loveless” partner feels drawn to the love.  In this case, the “loveless” partner often pursues other situations where he or she can roam free.  Or that partner may have an affair or “test out” the waters of freedom.

4. Fear of commitment: Commitment is a conscious choice but it is always faced with the challenges of the unconscious brain.  Despite how committed we may want to be, the unconscious brain, especially in those who want novelty (and commitment) poses some serious challenges.  People may deny that they are in love because commitment keeps them answerable to their “conscience” and the resulting guilt feels like it is too much.

5. Fear of loss: Some people are more afraid of loss than they are interested in gains.  Loss is so horrible to them that they would rather not pursue any love for fear of losing again or ever.  When people fear loss, this can masquerade as lovelessness and people may slowly distance themselves because they are afraid that if they get too attached the fear of loss will escalate.

6. Fear of disappointing: When one partner is very good at loving and the other is not, the one who is not may become afraid of disappointing the loving person and may distance himself or herself in order to avoid feeling guilty about this.

7. Fear of being found out:  Every person has a secret or some kind of personal shame, and intense love can cause people to become closer.  People who are afraid of being known too well may shun love because they feel as though too much of themselves will be revealed.

Then, those fears above can be eliminated if you can ask yourself these simple questions:

Is there any possibility that you have an unconscious fear of social disapproval?  In the long-term, is this really as frightening as you think? What   is more important: finding your happiness with someone you love or pleasing society?

Have you communicated to your partner that their “lovingness” may be a defense of their part to keep you away?  Is there a part of their lovingness that is desperation and can you talk about this?

While fears of being consumed and trapped are real, is it possible to find freedom IN love if you gave yourself to it?  Are you less free because you stand outside of love?

Have you tried just giving even when you don’t quite feel like it?  Perhaps you are not good at it, and therefore need to practice?  Perhaps there is   some joy awaiting you in the giving?

Have you played “the opposite game”?  That is, when you feel like running away or being further away, have you tried sticking it out and hanging in there?

Afterall, Srini advices that sometimes unrequited love is just a mismatch, but too often we lose valuable people in our lives if we take our first reactions at face value.  There is usually an undetected fear lurking around somewhere there.  And this fear can masquerade as “lovelessness.”

Be wary! don’t let those fears prevent you to find your happiness… find your LOVE 🙂

How to Lose Your Weight without Painful Diet

Posted in Healthy, Psychology with tags , , , on June 14, 2010 by rizkymygift

Yup, most of the time dieting is very painful yet it helps you to lose your significant weight. Actually, you can lose your weight without committing to do such painful diet. Well, okay this list above might help you to do so… Check this out!

Time Your Meal

Set a timer  for 20 minutes and reinvent yourself as a slow eater. This is one of the top habits for slimming down without a complicated diet plan. Savor each bite and make it last until the bell chimes. Paced meals offer great pleasure from smaller portions and trigger the body’s fullness hormones. Wolfing your food down in a hurry blocks those signals and causes overeating.

Sleep More, Weigh Less

Sleeping an extra hour a night could help a person drop 14 pounds in a year, according to a University of Michigan researcher who ran the numbers for a 2,500 calorie per day intake. His scenario shows that when sleep replaces idle activities – and the usual mindless snacking – you can effortlessly cut calories by 6%. Results would vary for each person, but sleep may help in another way, too. There’s evidence that getting too little sleep will influence your appetite, making you uncommonly hungry.

Serve More, Eat More Veggies

Serve three vegetables with dinner tonight, instead of just one, and you’ll eat more without really trying. Greater variety tricks people into eating more food – and eating more fruits and vegetables is a great way to lose weight. The high fiber and water content fills you up with fewer calories. Cook them without added fat. And season with lemon juice and herbs rather than drowning their goodness in high-fat sauces or dressings.

Soup’s On, Weight Comes Off

Add a broth-based soup to your day and you’ll fill up on fewer calories. Think minestrone, tortilla soup, or Chinese won-ton. Soup’s especially handy at the beginning of a meal because it slows your eating and curbs your appetite. Start with a low-sodium broth or canned soup, add fresh or frozen vegetables and simmer. Beware of creamy soups, which can be high in fat and calories.

Go for Whole Grains

Whole grains such as brown rice, barley, oats, buckwheat, and whole wheat also belong in your stealthy weight loss strategy. They help fill you up with fewer calories and may improve your cholesterol profile, too. Whole grains are now in many products including waffles, pizza crust, English muffins, pasta, and soft “white” whole-wheat bread.

Build a Better Slice of Pizza

Choose vegetable or even fruit toppings for pizza instead of meat and you’ll shave 100 calories from your meal. Other skinny pizza tricks: go light on the cheese or use reduced-fat cheese and choose a thin, bread-like crust made with just a touch of olive oil.

Smart Tip : Cut Back on Sugar

Replace one sugary drink like regular soda with water or a zero-calorie seltzer and you’ll avoid 10 teaspoons of sugar. Add lemon, mint or frozen strawberries for flavor and fun. The liquid sugar in soda appears to bypass the body’s normal fullness cues. One study compared an extra 450 calories per day from jelly beans vs. soda. The candy eaters unconsciously ate fewer calories overall, but not so the soda drinkers. They gained 2.5 pounds in four weeks.

Smart Tip : Use a Tall, Thin Glass

Use a tall, skinny glass instead of a short, wide tumbler to cut liquid calories — and your weight — without dieting. You’ll drink 25-30% less juice, soda, wine, or any other beverage. How can this work? Brian Wansink, PhD, says visual cues can trick us into consuming more or less. His tests at Cornell University found all kinds of people poured more into a short, wide glass — even experienced bartenders.

Smart Tip : Skip Alcohol

When an occasion includes alcohol, skip it with such a nonalcoholic, low-calorie beverage like sparkling water. Alcohol has more calories per gram (7) than carbohydrates (4) or protein (4). It can also loosen your resolve, leading you to mindlessly inhale chips, nuts, and other foods you would normally limit.

Smart Tip : Go for Green Tea

Drinking green tea may also be a good weight loss strategy. Some studies suggest that it can revise up the body’s calorie-burning engine temporarily, possibly through the action of phytochemicals called catechins. At the very least, you’ll get a refreshing drink without tons of calories.

Slip Into Spiritual State of Mind

Women who do such spiritual activity just like yoga tend to weigh less than others, according to a study in the Journal of the American Dietetic Association. What’s the connection? The yoga regulars reported a more “mindful” approach to eating. For example, they tend to notice the large portions in restaurants but eat only enough to feel full. Researchers think the calm self-awareness developed through yoga may help people resist overeating.

Eat at Home

Eat home-cooked meals at least five days a week to live like a thin person. A Consumer Reports survey found this was a top habit of “successful losers.” Sound daunting? Cooking may be easier than you think. Shortcut foods can make for quick meals, such as pre-chopped lean beef for fajitas, washed lettuce, pre-cut veggies, canned beans, cooked chicken strips, or grilled deli salmon.

Catch the “Eating Pause”

Most people have a natural “eating pause,” when they drop the fork for a couple of minutes. Watch for this moment and don’t take another bite. Clear your plate and enjoy the conversation. This is the quiet signal that you’re full, but not stuffed. Most people miss it.

Chew Strong Mint Gum

Chew sugarless gum with a strong flavor when you’re at risk for a snack attack. Making dinner after work, at a party, watching TV, or surfing the Internet are a few dangerous scenarios for mindless snacking. Gum with a big flavor punch overpowers other foods so they don’t taste good.

Shrink Your Dishes

Chose a 10″ lunch plate instead of a 12″ dinner plate to automatically eat less. Cornell’s Brian Wansink, PhD, found in test after test that people serve more and eat more food with larger dishes. Shrink your plate or bowl to cut out 100-200 calories a day – and 10-20 pounds in a year. In Wansink’s tests, no one felt hungry or even noticed when tricks of the eye shaved 200 calories off their daily intake.

Get Food Portions Right

The top habit of slim people is to stick with modest food portions at every meal, five days a week or more. “Always slim” people do it and successful losers do it, too, according to a Consumer Reportssurvey. After measuring portions a few times, it can become automatic. Make it easier with small “snack” packs and by keeping serving dishes off the table at meal time.

Eat Out Your Way

Restaurant meals are notoriously fattening, so consider these special orders that keep portions under control:

  • Split an entrée with a friend.
  • Order an appetizer as a meal.
  • Choose the child’s plate.
  • Get half the meal in a doggie bag before it’s brought to the table.

Complement a smaller entrée with extra salad for the right balance: half the plate filled with veggies.

Reach for the Red Sauce

Choose marinara sauce for pasta instead of Alfredo sauce. The tomato-based sauces tend to have fewer calories and much less fat than cream-based sauces. But remember, portion size still counts. A serving of pasta is one cup or roughly the size of a tennis ball.

Go Meatless More Often

Eating vegetarian meals more often is a slimming habit, according to WebMD’s “recipe doctor,” Elaine Magee, MPH, RD. Vegetarians weigh up to 20% less than meat eaters. While there are several reasons for this, legumes play an important role. Bean burgers, lentil soup, and other tasty legume-based foods are simply packed with fiber. Most Americans get only half of this important nutrient, which fills you up with fewer calories.

Burn 100 Calories More

Lose 10 pounds in a year without dieting by burning an extra 100 calories every day. Try one of these activities:

  • Walk 1 mile, about 20 minutes.
  • Pull weeds or plant flowers for 20 minutes.
  • Mow the lawn for 20 minutes.
  • Clean house for 30 minutes.
  • Jog for 10 minutes.


When you’ve kicked the soda habit or simply made it through the day without overeating, pat yourself on the back. You’ve moved closer to a slimming lifestyle that helps people lose weight without crazy or complicated diet plans. Phone a friend, get a pedicure, buy new clothes — or on occasion, indulge in a small slice of cheesecake.

Source : webMD

Self Esteem, Make it Mine!

Posted in Psychology with tags , , , , , , on April 7, 2010 by rizkymygift

"The Reflection"

Some experts say that, self esteem is related to your success but in fact sometimes it’s just like roller-coaster, up and down. Yet, Confidence equips us to face the tough and unpredicted sad and awful moments or even unpleasant times. So, no matter how hard it is, you must make yourself comfortable and -the most important thing- confidence!

Leslie Sokol, Ph. D and Marci Fox, Ph. D give us simple tools to boost it, Check this out!

Here are the ways how to boost your self esteem, give it a try!

1. Recognize and embrace your positive qualities. Make a list of all your assets including skills, experiences, physical and social resources, talents, and anything else that makes you feel good about yourself. Add to the list the compliments that others have given you as well. Reminding yourself of all your assets is a sure confidence booster.

2. Accept that you are a desirable package rather than any one individual item. Accept that you are not perfect. Don’t let any one particular shortcoming negate that you are a complex, multifaceted desirable package. See the desirable package that you are by taking a picture of yourself with a big smile on your face and post it on your bathroom mirror. Every time you look at your smile think of each of the positive characteristics that define you.

3. Trust that you are competent. Remind yourself of all the problems you have faced and tackled. Have faith that even if you cannot deal with a problem yourself that you will have the ingenuity to get the help, skills, or knowledge that you need. Doubting your capability? Take on a new challenge and prove to yourself you CAN rather than you can’t. Pay attention to each accomplishment regardless of how small and make a mental note or, even better, keep a note pad. Give yourself extra credit when it required significant effort and don’t forget to pat yourself on the back.

4. Believe in your own worth. Recognize that means making yourself a priority some of the time. Think of something you want to do and do it. Give yourself permission to say no, ask for what you want, or maneuver into a position to make it happen. Be prepared to tolerate disappointing others for the sake of recognizing that you matter and taking care of yourself.

5. Think back to most recent experience where you felt you fell short, made a mistake, or messed-up and force yourself to name five things that went right. We are not defined by any one thing but by the accumulation of our experiences.

6. Look in a full size mirror and pick five things that you are looking at that make you feel good. You can pick five things you see on the outside such as your physical attributes: eyes, lips, hair, nails, legs, feet, toes, or smile. You can also pick things related to your style such as: your hairdo, clothing, stance, make-up, shoes, or jewelry. In addition, you can pick items that come from the inside such as: your sparkle, spirit, energy, compassion, or kindness. Having trouble? Ask someone that matters to you to name five things you have to feel good about yourself. Try this every day for a week.

Have a nice try!!

3 Kinds of Relationships

Posted in Psychology with tags , , , , , , on March 18, 2010 by rizkymygift


1. Firstly, there are RELATIONSHIPS OF PLEASURE. These are partners who are all about sexdrugs and rock and roll. You might share soul-less passionate sex and soul-less playful banter  – but they’re all about pleasures of the body or ego. They never soul-nurture you with insight and growth – so never bring you real-deal happiness.  Hence, these partners are souldmates (Prince/Princess Harmings) — not soulmates (Prince/Princess Charmings).

2. Next up, there are RELATIONSHIPS OF UTILITY– a partner you spend time with in hopes of garnering greater wealth, status, fame,  or beauty — like the rich guy with the trophy gal. These partners also don’t nurture your soul — only your ego.  Again, these are souldmates (Prince/Princess Harmings)  — not soulmates (Prince/Princess Charmings).

3. Finally there are RELATIONSHIPS OF SHARED VIRTUE. These are partners who stimulate you, challenge you, inspire you, root for you to grow into your highest potential — who nurture your soul. A good example is Jack Nicholson’s character in “As Good As It Gets” who says: “You make me want to be a better man.”

When you prioritize seeking a partner who supports your becoming your favorite, best self — instead of just crushing on someone’s superficial sexy looks, charisma and wealthiness — you wind up with a happy love relationship!